ahhhhh… heartbreak, its going around. I was recently a victim, i had to switch perceptions just to get away. Apparently, love is not enough. So am going to tell you about it, its way long that some words have been deleted, mostly cause they are ‘case sensitive’ i dont even know what that means but it goes on, i even fell prey to my own thoughts, so i locked them deep in my heart swallowed the combination and then forgot, scared of little emotions cause they might remind me how to open my heart. I chained my self to the hate took a lock and then locked it.
It was nothing really… just a little miscalculation, few bits of tears shed and a whole lot of trust wasted…
It was not a hard relationship, as long as it lasted (which as you will hear) was not long. Looking to the future, i knew that i would be a slave to my inner desires. As days passed, i became more and more unhappy until i was glad of the work that kept me too busy to think. In reading this story, you should know that it takes place at a time when my faith is wanting and my life meaningless, full of empty promises and broken dreams. So Dear God, if there’s a God, save my soul, if i have a soul.
I will begin the story of my adventures on a cruel night when the heavens had opened. It was so cold that my skin was shrinking through the continual bad weather. The classroom was empty, just the two of us. She was short, but well-made, and as active as a goat. Her face was pleasant and honest, but her eyes had a dancing madness in them which was both attractive and alarming to me. Basicaly, she had a damaged intensity that made her attractive. Everytime we talked, she had some ugly wound on her heart to show me, which i healed, dont know, so dont ask. I soon learned how badly she was treated. I too wasn’t the kind for confort giving simply because my life seemed to be a never ending succession of unhappy women.
We weren’t not in love, its just that the subject as such never came up. It kind of loomed over us like a blissfuly stupid cloud, the love cloud. Guaranteed to rain on your brain ’til you’re moaning with seratonin (ignore my spelling, but its a love hormone) maybe what was happening was that we were in love with the idea of being in love. But that’s still love, right? Instead of loving each other, we loved an idea, an inspiration, a wish. The other person was more or less of an afterthought, some what expendable or at the very least, interchangeable.
‘I love that you make me feel like i’m in love, you on the other hand, i can take or leave’ what i din’t realise was that a year later, this same person would prompt me to write down this story. It was a matter of time before the truth of the two of us, the hard fact of our unique selfness, our one of a kind snow-flakiness became un avoidable.
…it was time for me to say good bye and good night, my mouth was dry and i swear my legs were shaking. I could feel the sound of my heartbeat running through the walls.Yet there she was. Standing right infront of me, with this stare in her eyes that could break down any man… you too brother, just believe. Anyway, meanwhile, am talking to myself, making all wierd moves. So i walk slowly back. What was i to do? The thought of her beauty made my heart sink. I had no wish to be a hero, but my decision was taken, there could be no retreat now. Surrender too, i bet Bruce lee din’t see this one coming, oh wait hes dead.
…and as i looked in her eyes, i felt so carried away and at this time, my eyelids became heavy, forget weed. I believe i was tripping and i couldn’t feel my feet, and i meant that literaly. I then held her waist, no i think it was her back, (see i’m not sure) pulled her closer to me and held onto her tight. I could feel my heartbeat in my hands as i touched her back (okay i’m almost sure it was he back, what else would it be?) then i felt her head moving towards mine, or maybe it was the other way round…
See, i always thought i couldn’t last a second without thinking but at that moment, i’m almost sure i wasn’t. Just for clarification though, ‘wasn’t thinking’ doesn’t mean i regret doing it. All i remember is what i belheved i was doing, and thats just stupid. At first i thought i was being unrealistic…wait, i know what you are thinking, this person is not you honey, not everything is about you… sorry guys, just had to scare her away, its about to get emotional. So my mind which wasn’t mine at the moment was completely out of it. Ladies and gentlemen (not you hombre, go find a proper tie!) i went hay-wire.
…to be continued.